Expiration Date 8.17.20

Alone & Loneliness

It's no secret that with the current coronavirus, I've struggled with loneliness.  Today, I discovered that being alone doesn't always equal loneliness. And being with someone doesn't exempt you from experiencing loneliness.  It's definitely a mindset that transcends relationship status.
What's been your experience with loneliness? Is it tied to your love language? Drop your thoughts!!!

Corona Revelation: Everybody Needs Somebody

Dear God,

Please.  I’m letting it all out. In my humanness hear me and in my faith increase me. I am hurting emotionally & mentally. Heal. Your. Globe.  Amen.

The Bible says that in all our getting, we should get an understanding....so, I try to learn something from every season I go through. I guess I’ve spent the last three months enjoying life a little too much.  I’ve smiled more than I have over the last few months than I have over the last year.  I’ve enjoyed some solo traveling and life just seemed to have given me a break from the constant heartache and headache that I experienced for most of 2019.  Suddenly, the recent Coronavirus Pandemic has made me question all of the growth I thought I’ve achieved over the last year.  Seemingly, in an instant all my growth went out the window, based off of ONE SINGLE TEXT MESSAGE.  A one word text message, with two emoji’s sent me in a downward spiral that I have to admit....I was already ascending upon.  For weeks, I’ve tried to fight my way out of my feelings, just to be defeated today.  Honestly, I had been holding strong until today where I’ve been flooded with feelings and thoughts!  Today HAS NOT been good for me. I am extremely lonely which is not normal for me.  I just wish I could be held and feel safe. Is that too much to ask?  I’m naturally an affectionate person and physical touch is my primary love language. Unfortunately  with all this Rona going around I haven’t been getting that.

This season of confinement has bred a multitude of emotions. Isolation, fear, loneliness, grief, sadness and feeling like I’ve been forgotten...these are ALL real emotions. I’ve even felt “unprotected” or “unsafe”...these emotions hit different as a single adult. I spent time today talking to God about my real feelings about my single season. I was tired of covering up my real feelings before God, since he already knows anyways.  As a result, I’ve decided to re-evaluate some friendships and situationships that only benefit ONE person.  You ever want a person, but they don’t want you in the same kind of way (but pretend that they do)?  Babbbyyyyyyy, unrequited love cuts deep! The heart wants what the heart wants even if it hurts.  But that kind of love makes you feel like you're not good enough and UNworthy.  As I encourage myself, I wanted to encourage you too. Be encouraged... God sees your tears and knows your heart desires! He is not slack about his promises concerning you and remember ‘not yet’ does not mean NEVER!     

At the end of it all.... I’m just reminding myself to hold on...although it initially looked like a total loss, I’m grateful for the amount of growth in me BEFORE this pandemic hit.  It’s ok to grieve all that is happening around us.  Feel. Pray. Release. 💔💔💔💔

A word from the wise....

If the response and attentiveness to reply back is very distant and inconsistent after you’ve given them the time “they” wanted; they’re not busy, they’re juggling someone else.  #ProtectYourPeace

Letting go is difficult, but let's get it!

One day you will find yourself fighting for someone for years and you start to realize the whole time all you was doing was fighting to keep getting lied to,fighting to keep getting taken for granted,fighting to keep getting disappointed and fighting to keep getting hurt repeatedly and after it all the toughest fight you find yourself having to face is the fight at the end.......Fighting to Let Go‼️💯

From my heart to yours....

Be grateful for closed doors that could have led to a ruined reputation, injury, indictment or even death. A good thing may not be God thing. “No” can be a blessing.  #GodBlockedIt

God knows BEST!!!

We don’t always understand WHY we go through the trials and tribulations of life.  I must admit, I experienced a hurt like I’ve never experienced before in 2019, by someone I trusted my ENTIRE life with.  Someone I loved unconditionally, and I spent months questioning WHY.  Why did I have to experience that level of pain, crushing, and ripping of my soul.  Almost 6 months to the day I surrendered, I finally got the answer.  He was putting a hedge of protection around me.
Last Friday I was on a cruise with my church family when I got the news that the contract I’d been working on for the last 6 months was approved for 1.5 million dollars MORE than I bid!!!!! When I tell you it was THEN that I realized God removed people from my life that I would have BLOWN my blessing on.........he knew THEN what he had in store for me! A 3.7 million dollar contract is mine, because I TRUSTED GOD. I didn’t give up even when I wanted to lay down and die, literally.
I say this to say, always follow God’s direction....even when it hurts to live.  Keep living, because he has something greater in store.  Those that sow in tears, will reap in JOY.........and the word of the Lord IS blessed!!!!