Many of you have hit my inbox to check in and I thank you! Thank you for sharing in my journey. Who knew my Valentine's Day post would get over a million views?? Thanks to all of you for your prayers!
Over the last 3 months, I've learned a few more things on this journey that I'd like to share with you.
Sometimes in life we have to stop giving all of our time and energy to things, thoughts and people that are vampires. They suck all the life out of you. They suck all the happiness out of you. They drain you emotionally. One sided relationships where you do all the loving, all the giving, make all the sacrifices and all they do is receive without EVER reciprocating....be unavailable for that. They can call you when they need something, but never call to check on your well being...be unavailable for that. They can call you during their storms, but never during their sunshine....be unavailable for that. You can be a person's biggest supporter, but they NEVER support you. Stop being available to people that are unavailable to you!
I had a friend promise me that he'd help me out with a situation. I had family coming to town for my Niece's 10th b-day party. We had planned a small family cookout for her celebration. He called me and said he was on his way to help me....but never showed up. No call, no show. Initially I was SUPER angry. But then I started to think about the time I had a full blown seizure. Same friend said he was on his way to help me out with meals. Never came, never called. That's just WHO he is. Unreliable. He has shown me several times who he was, but I refused to believe it. Somehow, I loved his representative (who he PRETENDED to be) and not who he really was. People that don't share your same morals and basic principals of life don't belong in the front row of your life.
I can't speak for men, but women definitely chase closure. We always want to know "why". Why someone treated us bad. Why someone left us. Why someone didn't choose us. Why someone hurt us. We go to the very people that hurt us, for healing. TRUST ME, it never works. Even today, I wanted to send my friend a text asking if we could have an open-heart surgery conversation, then I realized that I'M the insane one. We keep having conversations, and he keeps doing the SAME thing. I'm the only one having the SAME conversations but looking for different results. That's insanity. So, I closed out the text thread. I've been fighting for answers, explanations and closure for two years. Don't be like me, just let people go. And guess what?? You don't have to make a huge announcement, just go. They'll look up and you'll be a memory. I've learned over the last year or so that men like the THOUGHT of being able to be happy and not the REALITY of actually being happy.
I can admit that my heart is SO big. People that don't really understand my heart, my anointing and my gift OFTEN are confused as to WHY I do the things I do. While in my heart, I give love and I give of myself unconditionally, there really are hidden conditions that exist. Like mutual respect. I've attached myself to people who are careless when it comes to ME and MY feelings. Honestly, it HURTS. To rid my heart of the hurt, I have to release them....let them go. I can't force ANYONE to see that I'm a blessing, you just have to let them go and miss out.
I'm on an airplane at this very moment coming back from the bday party of one of my BEST friends. We were married once, but we are better friends than we were spouses. He has been married several times since I have and he's currently dating. His CURRENT girlfriend messaged me and asked me to join. GROWN folk stuff!!! I guess my problem is that I've expected others ex's in my life to value me the same way, but it doesn't always work out that way. Other times, I've held on for other reasons, but the end result is usually the same. People REALLY do show us who they are. Stop the tears! Pick your head up and work on your healing! In THIS season, we are only loving on people that SHOW us that they care. Someone out there does, and let's stop giving attention to those that don't.
There is NO peace when you suffer in silence. Speak your TRUE feelings. Don't bottle it up, it will only fester and eat away at your healing process. If you can't speak to the person that mistreated you, talk to a therapist, a life coach....or to God. But whatever you do, don't hold in your true feelings, let them out, you will feel lighter, I promise. The photo to the left are my EXACT sentiments for today! I had to vocalize them. First I prayed about it. I spoke to my therapist about it. I cried real tears, and I'm done with that emotion. People will use you till they use you up....then go on about their happy life after they don't need you anymore. All I can do is pray that God grants a little mercy when they began to reap what they sowed.
Never forget how people made you feel. Do they CONSISTENTLY make you feel lonely? Unappreciated? Like you don't matter?? Hurt?? Used? Deceived? Often, when times "get better" with that person, we tend to forget how they made us feel so many times before. Until they begin to make us feel that way again. The only way to cut the cycle is to unfortunately untie yourself from that person. Never cut what you can untie. When you untie you can restore, but what's been cut cannot be repaired to it's original state.
